"Silence is a girl’s loudest cry…"
Sometimes I wonder… and my insecurities surface and takes hold.
Doubt creeps in and I don’t know what to do.
The mental battle that rages within is quite suffocating.
Then I hear a small still voice, whispering words of love and reminder.
"I love you"
Sometimes that’s all it takes,
three words, eight letters.
It’s nice to know that you’re remembered and someone cares for you.
Sometimes I think I am resilient.
Then humbling experiences such as these arise letting me realize,
I am human and I do need affirmation.
Learning new things every day.
Perhaps more about me?
No, more about God.
Learning how to depend on Him more and more.
Trying to get to know Him better and base my values in Him.
Is it a struggle?
Is it worth it?
That is what I need.
That is what I must do.
"Affliction is anonymous…; it deprives its victims of their personality and makes them into things. It is indifferent; and it is the coldness of this indifference - a metallic coldness - that freezes all those it touches right to the depths of their souls. They will never find warmth again. They will never believe any more that they are anyone.
- Simon Weil"
a Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser
Many people are destroyed by loss because, learning what they could have been but failed to be, they choose to wallow in guilt and regret, to become bitter in spirit, or to fall into despair. While nothing they can do will reverse the loss, it is not true that there is nothing they can do to change. The difference between despair and hope, bitterness and forgiveness, hatred and love, and stagnation and vitality lies in the decision we make about what to do in the face of regrets over an unchangeable and painful past. We cannot change the situation but we can allow the situation to change us. We exacerbate our suffering needlessly when we allow one loss to lead to another. That causes gradual destruction of the soul.
This destruction of the soul represents the tragedy of what I call the “second death,” and it can be a worse tragedy than the first. The death that comes through loss of spouse, children, parents, health, job, marriage, childhood, or any other kind is not the worst kind of death there is. Worse still is the death of the spirit, the death that comes through guilt, regret, bitterness, hatred, immorality, and despair. The first kind of death happens to us; the second kind of death happens in us. It is a death we bring upon ourselves if we refuse to be transformed by the first death.